If Car Companies Employed People from Telecoms

Carlo and I have been kicking around what would happen if a car company only employed people from the telecoms background. This is what we came up with.

1. New cars would come with wheels that you need to change before you can drive it on A roads and you'll need to reconfigure the brakes before they work.

2. Ads for every car will promise speeds up to 450 miles per hour.

3. Access to gears 4, 5 and 6 will be hidden.

4. Changing lanes sometimes makes the car stall.

5. Running costs are a closely guarded secret. But what is clear is a surcharge if you exceed 8,000 furlongs and 3 chains a month and driving your car outside your country of residence makes you eligible for a very nasty surprise indeed.

6. You can listen to the radio -- but it costs extra.

7. When you buy a car, you have to promise to keep it for two years, during which you can only use one brand of fuel - although some shady garages will "unlock" your car. You can also refuel over the air, as well as garages but over the air costs twice as much as it's so convenient and cool.

8. Every car converts into a submarine, a hair dryer, a solarium, a sauna, a cooker and a toaster. The main benefit of car ownership becomes "she sure makes grrrreat toast".

9. You'll notice quirky little changes in the car controls depending on the manufacturer. Some cars put the gas pedal on the left, some favour the traditional right - with hilarious results!

10. Come on... you have a go. Leave a comment with some ideas!

(Pic from Car Art Agency).

Comments

[Paul Whitaker]

All of the best cars are in Asia followed by the second best cars from Europe while the US is subjected to the red headed step child design hand-me-downs that were put together by the first year interns at the design shop. But it's ok because most cars in the US are free.

[charlie]

- most users will be driving 5 year old ladas while the car companies will only be advertising mazerattis.

[C. Enrique Ortiz]

When the car needs service, you have the choice of one and only one mechanic! BTW, the mechanic sucks!

[Bernardo]

The guys who work at car companies drive these huge Ferraris. The regular Joe is pretty satisfied with his "5 year old lada", after all he just goes to the supermarket and picks up his kids at school. The analysts, however, point out that the same regular joe WILL buy a huge Ferrari in '06, and WILL drive cross-country at average speeds of 500MPH every day. VCs start throwing huge loads of cash at every road building company or gas stations that quotes these analysts in their business plans. Car companies subsidize their Ferraris heavily. Some average joes actually end up buying them, and use them to go to the supermarket and pick up their kids from school. When research companies ask them why havent they gone cross-country every day, they ask "can I do that?", and when informed of how much it costs, they will say "oh no, I don't need that, I just need to go to the supermarket and take my kids to school".

[Russell Buckley]

Very good everyone - keep them coming :-)

Russell